you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
