I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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