Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
