To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
