pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You pole danced in your parka.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
