I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
