Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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