i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
