when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
