Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
