JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
