I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
