Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
