What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
