I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
