boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
