you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
