morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
