Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
