this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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