i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
