I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
