New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
