your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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