the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Enjoy the penises
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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