well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
