Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yo dont text me then not text me
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
