You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
