I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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