Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
