The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
