i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
