i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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