Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
