Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
