if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
