he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
