this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
