Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
