I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
