Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
