unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
