Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
