I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
