Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
