We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
