I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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