there's paper in my vomit.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't deserve a penis
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize