You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
