I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Couch. On fire.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
